


Get Rapped!

by ILLEGAILE



Series: F1 Direction [3]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Bromance, Comedy, Friendship, Humor, If you want - Freeform, It's really subtle though it's not even the main focus, M/M, Which is the only reason it's rated t, cursing, rapping, simi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 20:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7590034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILLEGAILE/pseuds/ILLEGAILE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Hungarian Grand Prix, Max challenges Kimi to a rap-off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get Rapped!

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say, I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way. I love all the drivers, I especially love Max and Kimi. This was born from their fight in the Hungarian GP a couple of days ago.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it!

Jenson stepped onto the stage, face serious, mouth set into a grim line as a microphone dropped down from the ceiling. It was their sixth sleepover, but tonight was different. There would be no Nico dancing to Britney Spears, no Checo to sing to Shakira songs, not even Fernando to sing One Direction off key. “Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen.” He said, smirking. “Who is ready to get **_wreeeeecked_**?!” He screamed and the drivers, divided into two sides, started cheering.

Sebastian stood off to one side, jumping up and down with a large blue flag, while Dan stood on the other waving around a red flag and screaming at the top of his lungs.

On the blue corner were Mercedes, Ferrari, and Williams. And, on the red corner, were McLaren, Red Bull, and Torro Rosso. The rest of the teams were neutral or didn’t want to get involved in the battle.

The Brit raised a hand for silence and gestured over to Dan’s side. The challenger, weighting 67 kilograms of hyperactivity and lack of self-preservation, he’s the king of the karts, the big dog of rap. Ladies and Gentlemen, Max “ _The Destroyer_ ” Verstappennnnnnn!” He shouted and Max appeared, high fiving people as he made his way forward draped in a red jacket with The Destroyer stitched across his back. Dan handed him a microphone and he nodded, pointing it to the screaming crowd.

“And in this corner-” Jenson gestured to the screaming Sebastian. “Weighting 63 kilograms of cursing and Magnums, he’s tough, he’s stiff, he’s got zero shits to give. Put your hands together for Kimi “ _The Ice Man_ ” Raikkoooneeeennnnnn!” He hollered as Kimi walked up to him, his own jacket slung half-heartedly across his broad shoulders not even bothering with the sleeves his arms were crossed in front of him, microphone already in hand.

“Are you ready to do this, old man?” Max asked, preening as the crowd began to _Ooooh_ at him.

Kimi shrugged, bringing the microphone up to his lips. “Eh.” Kimi’s side burst out laughing.

Max frowned and pointed at Jenson. “Give me a beat.” Jenson nodded, bringing his own mic up to his face making noises into it. “You’re a champ but when you curse it’s no wonder you’re alone.” Max began, walking up to Kimi. “You’re always like a robot with your stupid monotone.”

“OH NO HE DID NOT!” Valterri shot up to defend his fellow Finn but was dragged back down by Felipe.

“How do your fans put up with you? Your personality is boring.” Kimi shrugged, face blank as Max pulled him down by his shirt. “It’s a snooze fest, like your chances of ever really scoring.” Another Ooooh burst out from Max’s side of the battle, Dan waving the red flag frantically. "Your idol is a drunk, that’s what it said in the big movie. And really, who would ever think a boy’s name would be Kimi?” Max asked and Kimi squinted at him, assessing.

“You want to mess with me? Well then, you’ve already lost.” Max stepped back and smirked. “It’s like Niki Lauda said in Rush-” He shrugged. “Your ride is a _SHITBOX_!”

“Burn!” Dan screamed, sticking his tongue out at Sebastian who raised a middle finger in protest.

Jenson continued to beatbox, eyeing Kimi for the moment he would strike. The Finn took one glance at Sebastian and one at Max before nodding. “You think you know it all just because you got this job. Did you know your parents named you after your neighbor’s dog?” He deadpanned.

“My parents did not-” Max protested but Kimi was on him the second he stepped forward.

“Jos Verstappen is your dad so you think it makes you hot.” He patted Max’s cheek twice patronizingly. “But if you think that makes you champ material, kid, **you’re not** -” He opened his mouth to continue but Max cut him off, throwing Kimi’s hand off of him.

“At 26, your best friend was 4 time world Champion. You couldn’t handle it then so you went and started rallying!” Sebastian winced at that, looking concerned when Kimi flinched. But the Finn kept his face neutral, waiting for Max’s tirade to end. “Retire. Did you hear me or do I have to repeat?” Max leaned in so it looks like he was whispering in Kimi’s ear. “Retire, _so a younger man can come to take your seat_.”

Max stepped back again and dropped his mic with a flourish, raising his arms and accepting the applause.

Jenson started beatboxing softer but caught Kimi’s hand gesture. He picked up the pace and everyone’s eyes turned to Kimi again. He threw his jacket off, Sebastian scrambling forward to catch it only to be intercepted by Valterri shouting his support in Finnish.

“You try to start all these fights, your interviews are foul.” Kimi pointed over to Lewis and Nico in his side, the duo nodding their agreement. “Pretend you can take on Rosberg, but kid, _Ver-stop-it-now_.” They laughed, but Kimi didn’t let up. “You were once Torro Rosso before you moved to Red Bull.” He took a deep breath and turned Max so he was facing him. “But everybody knows you are **_a rip off of Sebastian Vettel_**.” Max burst out laughing despite himself and so did the audience from the sheer shock of Kimi making jokes.

“Yes, I am a champion! And yes, I stopped before.” Kimi said offhandedly like it wasn’t new. “I raced with Michael Shumi when you were turning four.” He raised four fingers on his hands. “You don’t have to yell at me just because you’re losing.” He shrugged again and patted Max on the shoulder. Jenson cut off the beatboxing and everyone stopped speaking.

“Just leave me alone. Didn’t you hear?” Kimi asked and stared at Max. “ _I know what I’m **fucking** doing._ ”

Sebastian and Valterri started jumping up and down, waving the flag and Kimi’s jacket around. All the drivers from both sides applauded as Jenson took center stage again.

“Who won?” He pointed forward, ignoring Max and Kimi now hugging behind him. “You decide!”

**Author's Note:**

> COMMENT WHO YOU THINK WON THE BATTLE!!! :DDD


End file.
